We took the bus back from Malang because the train and the travel were both full. We got on a full bus so Lisa sat in the front, where the tour-guide would sit if it was a tour bus, and I sat in the back on a cushion placed on what is typically the extra storage space. I was very happy because no one could see me but I could see everyone. I read my books and drank my strawberry juice. I read in English; the two boys in front of me were reading too, one read in Indonesian and the other in Arabic. I was so happy about that, that the three of us were reading different books, that the three of us, if we were to trade books, would probably not understand the books of our bus-mates. How crazy and worldly did that make me feel? It made me feel small and big at the same time. It made everything perfect, though it was already perfect for me in the space I was in today.
that I don’t do friendship the way most of my friends do. Most people are friends because it’s convenient, because their friends are there, because it is nice to hang out with people at times to help you with your life. However, the large majority of people only function like that. That is not to say that friends of convenience are bad, it’s nice to have people around, but so many people I thought would last the 14 months of my physical absence have also died out emotionally. They no longer respond to mail, messages, or phone calls.
I’ve come to realize that many of my friends feel abandoned because I left the country, and they took it personally… like I left because I didn’t want to be with them, or I disapprove of their life choices at the moment. Many have just forgotten me, and those would be people that would not be offended by my leaving, nor me by their’s. Those that are offended though, have purposefully cut off communication, which hurts.
I am more of an emotional friend than a physical friend, as in if you put energy out my way in the universe I will probably feel it, and I will be happy that you are thinking of me. I never meant to make my friends feel abandoned, but I will not always be in the same city as them, I just can’t live a life like that. The phone works both ways, as they say, and I can only keep reaching out and trying to talk to them without avail for so long.
I have never left a relationship emotionally first. I let other people decide if they want to talk to me. It might sound lame to live like that, but I make friends for life and telling someone that they are my “best friend” is equivalent of me saying “I love you.” I mean it forever, and it doesn’t easily die, just because there are oceans and miles between us. It can die at my end, but rarely is it because of physical distance.
This was more of a rant of how I’m hurt that everyone has withdrawn emotionally. I meant to be a post about understanding that many of my friends felt abandoned. I don’t understand friendships like that, but I’m sorry if I have hurt you.
if you guys have a problem with it talk to the Giant Fucking Spiders about it
I don’t have time for your complaints
what if every time you shaved it was only to avoid giant fucking spiders?
every time you shave you are keeping giant fucking spiders away from you.
be nice to the people who touch your underwear
be nice to people who touch your food
Speak to us of Friendship!
And he answered, saying:
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love
and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger,
and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear
not the “nay” in your own mind,
nor do you withhold the “ay”.
And when he is silent your heart ceases
not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts,
all desires, all expectations are born and shared,
with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most
in him may be clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship
save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure
of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth:
and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend
that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need,
but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship
let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things
the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
Here is what you need to know about Kartini if you have never heard of her, or about today’s holiday.
Raden Ajeng Kartini lived from 1879 to 1904, and April 21st is her birthday. She was Javanese, and Indonesian, and is celebrated as a national hero for her fight for woman’s rights.
Kartini was alive during the Dutch colonization of Indonesia, and her father was in charge of Jepara, a city on the north coast of Java. She was the 5th of 11 children, and where her brothers became quite politically involved she was allowed to study until she was 12. This was old for a girl back then. After that she went into the customary seclusion, where she was not allowed to leave the house until she was married. She took this time to study Dutch, among other things, and because of this she got some Dutch pen-pals, and was thereby exposed to European Feminist Thought.
She was married at 24, even though she didn’t want to, but her new husband understood her love for education and her desire to educate women, and he allowed her to open a school for women. She had a son 11 months after she was married, and died 5 days after he was born.
A rich Dutch family was inspired by Kartini and her drive to educate women, so they opened a big line of Kartini’s Schools starting in Semarang, followed by Surabaya, Yogyakarta, Malang, Madiun, and Cirebon, to name a few.